As actors we’re encouraged to be pushy, selfish and to not take “no” for an answer when it comes to getting what we want. We have to send out applications and mailings daily as little reminders to the powers that be that among the ocean of actors in any particular city we are, in fact, extra special snowflakes (god bless whoever came up with that term). It’s the only way to get ahead in this Thunderdome we call a business and is necessary to the survival of our careers.
So of course I suck at it.
Let me preface this by saying that I do in fact consider myself a selfish human being, mostly due to the fact that I’m an only child and was the youngest of the “first cousin generation” (I have no idea how to word it otherwise) thus insuring that I received quite a bit of attention. Yet, as I mentioned in a previous post, I’m also quite a bit shy. When I was a kid I always let my parents do the talking for me, I never knew how to act around my peers, and I even was nervous around the characters at Disney World. This is a problem that has persisted to this day, where I sometimes find myself unwilling to put myself out there at work, with my friends, or in my acting career. I always figured that it would suit me better to blend more into the background so as not to risk rocking the boat or offending anyone.
However, as you may have guessed, this mindset has done me absolutely no favors in any aspect of my life. Professionally I’ve been relegated to just waiting to see if anything comes my way from the applications I’ve sent in, and on a personal level… Let’s just say that my desire to be as selfless as possible (which I believe springs from my desire to make friends despite the disadvantages caused by my AS) has led to me being taken advantage of a lot more than I would like.
So, with this in mind, I’m going to try to be a bit more “me oriented” from here on out. It won’t be easy, as I appear to be programmed to make other people as comfortable as possible (almost like a robot). But darn it, I’m going to give it my best.